Technological breakthrough in art

Invention of the Stylograph.

By our special correspondent.

Kolkata, 6th July. In acknowledgment of the contribution of artists towards reviving a decrepit economy, the art world gets a gift in the form of a technological aid called the Stylograph.

The Stylograph

The inventor, himself an artist has been working on the contraption for many years without much success. The breakthrough, he claims, came about a few months ago, but the invention was kept under wraps for reasons stipulated under laws governing clinical trials.

Apart from art galleries, no one had any clue what this contraption looked like or what it actually did.

The galleries, however, did not fund the research and development. One wise gallery owner explained that it was their moral duty to keep the artist/inventor in penury, as they unanimously felt that money could corrupt creativity and be counter-productive to the project.

At the unveiling ceremony, the contraption was also demonstrated. Everyone present was convinced of its efficacy.

The inventor, briefing news persons present, said that his invention would revolutionise the art-making process and completely eradicate the phenomena of prices nose-diving.

He explained that the contraption is a frame work built to encase the artist’s working hand, which can only be manipulated by a string attached to a pulley fitted to a strapped helmet. This ensures that the hand is not free to move in any which way an artist might decide and therefore limits movement. The free hand that pulls the string is the only user-friendly element. Moreover, the device is fitted with a fail-safe system consisting of sharp knife edges that can hurt the wrist in case an artist decides to test the limits set by the device. Additionally, the device has been designed in such a way that even the slightest movement of the head will be registered, causing the knives to inflict pain. The sensitivity of the device is such that even thinking-out-of-the-box will adversely harm the user.

The application of this device will therefore ensure stylistic consistency. Asked why this device is necessary given that a majority of artists already tread a narrow path - the inventor explained that it is for these very same people that the device is necessary. This will result in far greater consistency while increasing productivity and help in stabilising prices. It could also be used to harness those artists who run amok in terms of style, and disturb the buyers' state of blissful equilibrium.

Gallery owners were unanimous in hailing this invention as a milestone of the 21st Century, worthy of a Nobel Prize. Technology should always benefit humankind and since gallery owners are unquestionable life members on Club Earth, no one should complain if they profit from this device.

It seems that gallery owners have already started booking the contraptions in advance. One gallery owner hinted that she would offer these devices free of charge to her stable of artists and was mulling over what kind of fringe benefit she could offer in return. One noted artist felt that this invention has come at the most opportune moment and is a great relief for him. He explained that consistency matters a great deal especially when one has to deal with the constant pressure of having to deliver to various galleries in quick succession throughout the year.

While congratulating the inventor on his success, he was asked how this invention would benefit him personally. “They cannot relegate me to the dustbin of history, because I make history!” he smiled proudly.

Fund Raising Fiasco

There was quite a riot at a dinner hosted by a charming socialite, known for her sumptuous parties, as guests were miffed at the ordinary whiskey served to them. The guest list included famous celebrities of all hues and denominations. The dinner was arranged ostensibly to raise money to start a group health insurance scheme to benefit artists.

The guests felt both slighted and cheated, as they were all being very open fisted with their donations. One artist who had recently qualified to the Art-Mart Club said, “I only drink single malts!” rattling off brand names. The party finally continued without further incident well into the night after their demand was graciously met.

Incidentally, such fund raising parties are gaining currency as many experts on human behaviour feel that it is a form of catharsis common to people who get obscene amounts of money without really earning it.

Editorial

With the invention of the Stylograph, many ethical questions similar to those that had been raised during the cloning controversy of Dolly the sheep, are bound to re-appear on furrowed brows. This issue, however anachronistic, needs to be debated, as gizmos such as these, apart from making lifestyle statements, tend to overwhelm the normal functioning of the human psyche - adversely affecting any worthwhile endeavour.

Among the issues widely debated, is whether this device will be used to curb creative activity and hence subjugate freedom of expression as enshrined in the Constitution of India.

As evidenced recently by the standard of many important art exhibitions commemorating 60 years of India's Independence, such fears are unfounded. Not because creative geniuses cherish their independence, but for the reason that most of them are ignorant of the concept. Merely doing what one wishes to do, is a meaningless exercise of independence. The concept pre-supposes a greater degree of social responsibility, which is sadly non-existent in most such cases.

On the other hand, are artists actually free? Don’t the demands and machinations of the art market greatly influence the way art is made?

The other fear that this device - correctly calibrated - could be used to fake artworks, is a reality that no one can deny. Such fears are relevant, given the hunger for certain signature styles. This and all the other apprehensions can be easily laid to rest, if art buyers become more adventurous and stop buying the same old hat over and over again. The Stylograph would then become history much before it is able to gain notoriety.